


Bylfgoam Glosd

by HostisHumaniGeneris



Series: Writing Rainbow Fills [4]
Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Computer Hacking, Crack, Dressing your pets up in silly costumes, Photography, sneaking mission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:40:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23504740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HostisHumaniGeneris/pseuds/HostisHumaniGeneris
Summary: On the run after dealing with Senator Armstrong, Raiden is called back to aid a friend in his time of darkest need...
Series: Writing Rainbow Fills [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1763248
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15
Collections: Robot Rainbow 2020





	Bylfgoam Glosd

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Silex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silex/gifts).



He crept silently, hand on the grip of his blade. He infiltrated this Solis lab after receiving word from an old friend that his help was _desperately_ needed.

But something about the situation unnerved him. Everything was normal here—the guard was the same one as before, obliviously drooling over a magazine. They still hadn’t actually fixed the lock he’d broken last time he was here. He slunk around, dodging cameras and straining to hear footfalls. There was no indication anything out of the ordinary was going on.

Double-checking to make sure there was nobody watching, Raiden took a knee and dialed in his Codec.

“Raiden. Have you arrived?”

“Yeah, what’s up?” Raiden asked. “You requested help urgently, and didn’t want me to alert anyone to my presence.”

“Yes, Raiden. That was imperative.”

“So, what’s the situation, everything looks normal…” Raiden asked. He didn’t really expect Blade Wolf to call him for urgent help if it was a false alarm—after the events surrounding Desperado and Armstrong, it was believable he was in danger. But the normalcy of the Solis compound caused doubt to creep in. But the urgency evident, even as stoic as Blade Wolf was, caused Raiden to be on edge all over again.

“Just get to my position, I’ll explain face-to-face.”

“Fine, where are you?”

It took fifteen minutes, somehow passing through the same breakroom and sneaking around a person doing a crossword puzzle three times, an ascent and descent down a staircase, but eventually, Blade Wolf’s instructions led Raiden to a simple office.

“Shut the door.”

Raiden did as he was asked, and assessed the situation. Wolf was sitting in front of a workstation, the screen locked on a login site. Credentials had been entered in, for a rcktgrl2007. Raiden noted the keyboard for the workstation was _wrecked_. Like an animal had clawed it.

“Wolf… are you trying to log in to Sunny’s Imgur account?”

“Yes. I apologize for the deception, but I believed it to be the best way for you to come quickly.”

“You said it was _urgent_.”

“It is.”

“Wolf…”

“I allowed Sunny to… dress me in a dinosaur costume. Subsequently, I experienced some regrets with the knowledge that the images would be posted to the internet.” Raiden’s jaw _dropped_. There were a dozen questions he needed answered. Did Wolf _know_ just how crazy it was asking for the aid of a wanted cyborg ninja fugitive to break into a tween girl’s social media account? Did he think anyone would not realize that the _robotic wolf_ had been at this keyboard? What kind of dinosaur—triceratops, stegosaurus? “And now I need your help to take them off.”

“I don’t know her password.”

“I believe I do.” Wolf said. “The trouble is… typing is difficult.”

Given the state of the keyboard, yeah, it was.

“And so… when I try logging on, this screen comes up.”

Bladewolf tapped a mangled piece of plastic that might’ve been a mouse at one point, and a small white box appeared onscreen. “It is some form of sophisticated countermeasure.”

“It’s a _captcha_.” Raiden said, staring. Bylfgoam Glosd? The fuck. “You type the letters as they appear.”

“There are letters?” Wolf asked, somewhat incredulously.

Raiden took in a deep breath; meaningless given that his lungs, and everything south of his upper jaw had been replaced.

Raiden looked at Blade Wolf. Blade Wolf looked at Raiden.

“I mean, I see the question ‘are you a robot?’. But there are more letters?”

As a test, Raiden closed his remaining human eye. The captcha disappeared; the cybernetic replacement for his right failing to make sense of the box. He closed his cyborg eye and opened his human one, and saw Bylfgoam Glosd.

“Wolf, I am not going to help you sneak onto Sunny’s internet acconts to delete embarrassing photographs of you.” Raiden said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Look… why don’t you just ask her to delete them? Explain to her that you’re embarrassed by them?”

“She seemed so excited. She said everybody was dressing up their pets.”

“And don’t you think it would be more disappointing for her if you went behind her back to delete them, rather than asking her?” Raiden asked.

Blade Wolf was silent.

“Look, I know that… it’s normal…” Raiden struggled for words. He was a ex-child soldier whose wife had a sham marriage with a retired special forces colonel to raise their son in secret, and who currently was over ninety percent machine, and had over the past decade killed two high-ranking U.S. politicians with superhuman powers--the first of which was his adoptive father. Explaining ‘normal’ to a robot wolf was… difficult. “…just talk to Sunny, explain yourself… and let her explain herself. She really does care about you, and you about her, so I’m sure you can sort things out. And if nothing else… embarrassment _is_ human, it’s something universal.”

Wolf seemed uneasy with that. Which Raiden supposed was good.

* * *

"Hey Jack!" Rose said, cheerily. 

Raiden rolled over and sat up in bed, looking at his wife. She was on her phone. At two in the morning. Again. "Mhrhg?"

"Sunny sent me this."

"Sunny?" Raiden perked up. He hadn't told Rose about his top secret mission on Blade Wolf's behalf--he kept details of his... business to himself, and Rose _probably_ did pry, but not with his knowledge. They were a healthy family like that. Anyways, telling Rose the 'urgent business' he had to leave on their anniversary, that could not wait and had to be urgent, was talking a robot dog down from hacking a social media account would probably cause problems the next time an actually urgent situation popped up.

Raiden made sure on his way back home to pick up some really fancy chocolates. That made up for cancelling those reservations, right?

Rose waking him up couldn't be stage one in a blackhearted vengeance plan.

There. On the screen. Black metal and green fuzzy fabric. Big, cartoony yellow eyes set behind the glowing red of Blade Wolf's own. Expressionless as that metal face was, Raiden could _feel_ the embarrassment from the photo. Rose scrolled the picture, showing Sunny doing a selfie, free arm wrapped around Blade Wolf's shoulders. She looked _thrilled_ , the robot did not.

Apparently, Blade Wolf made for a _very ferocious_ lime-green Tyrannosaur. 

And Raiden could not stop laughing.

**Author's Note:**

> There is no excuse for this.
> 
> For those wondering about the title--this was for a flash exchange focusing on "colors" generated by a neural net based on real-life paint colors. My requestor mentioned Captchas in their request, and "Bylfgoam Glosd" seemed like the perfect Captcha Color.


End file.
